How to Talk about a Past Relationship with Your Partner

There comes a time in every relationship when your new lover inquires about your previous lovers. Learn how to properly discuss past relationships.

Relationships from the past can be tricky.

If you’re not careful, what begins as a fun round of twenty questions can quickly turn into an icy chill.

Finding out more about past relationships is never a good thing, but we go looking for dirt in our lover’s past like all inquisitive fools.

And when we do find the dirt, we get it on our hands and are left with a stench that lingers for a long time.

Talking about exes and past lovers may feel like a burden lifted from your shoulders, but it may come back to haunt you through your current lover.

If your new lover has posed the past relationships question to you and you can’t avoid it with a wink or a smile, you should learn how to talk about past relationships so you don’t end up in hot water by giving the wrong answers.

How to Discuss Past Relationships

Keep these tips in mind the next time you’re asked about your previous relationships or the number of notches on your bed.

It will help you respond correctly, and your partner will hear exactly what they want to hear from her, rather than what they should hear.

Confessions: What to Do and What Not to Do

First and foremost, you must recognize that we all have a past. You may occasionally find yourself in a relationship with someone who hasn’t dated many people.

When you go out with someone who does not have a sexual history as exciting or brag-worthy as yours, you should think twice before spilling all your secrets.

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You’re with this special person today because of previous coincidences and relationships. And, once you’ve settled down with someone else, you don’t have to feel bad about your extensive list of past lovers, but you do have to be careful what you say to your new lover.

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Remember that you can still tell your new lover the truth without going into specifics.

Confessions from previous relationships

When you start dating someone seriously, one of the first questions you may have after reaching a certain level of closure is about your previous relationships.

Everyone wants to know how frisky their mate has been in the past, and they want to know as much as they can about their partner’s past.

However, keep in mind that what you reveal has the potential to change your relationship.

You could have had previous relationships, one-night stands, or even sex buddies. Or you may have engaged in activities that are far beyond your lover’s moral boundaries, so be careful what you say.

Avoid discussing your sexual partners as much as possible, but if forced to, choose a very low figure based on your partner’s personality. Never make your partner feel second best, third best, or even fifteenth best. Your current lover is unique, and this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Inform them of this.

Getting into the specifics

Even if your sweet love asks you to talk about your feelings and wants explicit graphic details of your ex’s bedtime activities, don’t. Things could only get worse from here. If your ex lover used to call you “tongue twister,” “mind blower,” “Mr. Yummy,” or “Ms. Perky,” just don’t bring it up. It’s not necessary, and it certainly won’t help.

And if you’ve had a few one-night stands or even had a sexual encounter with a complete stranger, you’re on dangerous ground.

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If you don’t say anything, there’s a chance your partner will find out anyway. Even if you’re a great lover, the fact that you’ve had a few one-night stands or fantasized about having sex with a stranger will inadvertently change the way your new partner views this new relationship.

Can they ever understand the real circumstances that led to the sex in the backseat unless they’ve had a one night stand themselves, or will they just think you’re a horny perv who can’t wait to stuff or be stuffed?

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Skip the parts where you went sowing your wild oats or let anything that walks into your doorway when talking about intimate details. It will alter your partner’s perspective on the relationship. But bring it up again someday, when you’re in a more mature relationship and have earned enough trust for your partner to overlook your wilder days.

Making the analogies

When there is talk about previous relationships, comparisons are unavoidable. If your lover asks who is bigger or better, respond without hesitation. Of course, your current roommate is the best, right?

A little white lie can go a long way in your relationship. If you keep your mate happy in love, you will only reassure them and make them feel better about themselves, even if one of your exes was so good that there were burn marks on the bed sheets after a scorching session in bed.

This may sound corny, but your past is history, and your future is unknown. However, focus on the present and make your partner feel like the best. They might end up being the best part of your life!

When it comes to sexual pleasure,

So, have you ever had sex in the back seat of the car you’re currently driving? Or have you made out with your new lover on a rocky cliff you haven’t been to before? Or have you kissed one of your ex-loves for over an hour but never kissed your current love for more than five minutes? Don’t be concerned. And don’t tell anyone.

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These kinds of things don’t really need to be said. And, for crying out loud, we’re talking about your lover, not your priest. You can tell a little bit, but never go the full nine yards as if it will improve your relationship or something!

Trust your instincts, and if your relationship feels threatened, stop talking about it or explaining it.

And if you ever notice your partner’s lips quivering, their eyes widening, or their nails digging into your upholstery while you’re confessing, ahem, you’ve gone too far!

Keep your secrets to yourself

Even if you want to reveal everything and keep no secrets in your romance, you should recognize that some things are better left unsaid. A conversation about past relationships is akin to entering a haunted house. We all want to hear about it, we all want to experience the story, and we all want to walk in and investigate every detail.

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However, once you’re too far in, you’ll either regret it or pay a high price. So, before learning how to talk about past relationships and embarking on your next revelation about a past relationship, think hard and ask yourself if both of you can walk away from it unscathed.

If you can, go ahead and get into the specifics. If you can’t see a satisfying ending by exploring your past, close the doors and throw the keys away.

After all, there is no happy ending to discussing past relationships. Follow these tips for talking about past relationships and you can at least hope for a satisfying and simple ending, as well as a happier present relationship.

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